Make up didn't smudge; went hysterical at DFS while shopping with momma; got my Dior Addict perfume + purse; saw a Coach bag that I really fell in love at first sight, haha; bought food from Muji and Marks and Spencer for consumption during physics tutorials in an (maybe futile) attempt to keep myself awake. I feel kinda bad for spending so much of momma's money everytime when we go out together :( it's like never below $300 each time we go town. Argh lesson learnt, I shall just stay home and be a no-lifer/mugger.

What if I can't do this anymore........

What's worst, giving up before even attempting or realising that you just can't do it even after putting your heart to it. I just want you back in my life!

In retrospect right, I realised I had less than 10 posts for the entire year of 2009, while in 2008 I was still blogging quite frequently. That was when I was in sec4. I think I know why, blogging is a way to vent out my pent up frustrations and also to de-stress I guess. This year's a stressful year so I'll be here quite often.. ))): J2 life sucks, honestly. Sigh. Cant wait till A levels are over, counting down to it: 278 days (more or less)

It's been rather a luxury for me to use the com during weekdays, I can hardly find time to use it untill weekends. But today's different, I'm feeling hopelessly obese and mentally disabled and in need of a way to rant it out ): Can't do integration at all, need to lose 5kg in 2 months and yet I'm eating like a glutton... Sighhh.... Almost late for school today, had to run like as if I'm going for reincarnation up the hwachong hill... And the best part is, you just won't reply my smses/calls throughout the day (okay luh fine you picked up my call after school and I was quite pleasantly surprised hehehee)...

Ytd was so much better, at least I had a good rest with you. Haha the sofabed never fails to charm me and give me a good sleep without nightmares. Went to town to get Moush his gummie underwear hahaha from the shop omg. I still can't believe I stepped into that shop. Vernice you better thank me well for that:D Ate Sushi tei and Colin the caterpillars :D Celebrated bee's bday, it was a day full of love and warmth :D

And I still dont know what to do for you for Vday ):

I wanted to surprise you with a candlelight dinner with real candlelight and self prepared dinner but you know it better than anyone else that I cant cook for nuts. Argh nvm I have one week plus to prepare for it/take up cooking classes.

I wanna see you everyday ): that's how badly I miss you, h. Wednesdays are back to be my favorite day of the week again :D Absence does make the heart fonder.

It sucks right, doesn't it?

Haha don't worry my mummy has gotten a Myanmar maid, who will be coming soon I guess.

Then again, this ordeal just struck me in the heart. I think I have taken you for granted too.. Your unconditional love, consistent encouragements, never fail to be there for me whenever I need it so much... I felt really bad for hurling harsh and hurting words at you just months ago.. To me, relationship was never really an option cause I just refuse to commit any emotions anymore in my final most crucial year. You know how stubborn I am. I felt really remorseful, now, for pushing you away from me whenever you came closer to me. I felt suffocated, as if you're smoldering my freedom. I thought if you truly love me, you should wait till at least I've completed my studies before proposing to me, provided that we remained ceteris paribus at where we left off. But right now, things could change for the better. I think I can try to commit again, and be your little girl like before, I think. I'm really not sure if it can work out... but then again we'll never know unless we try right? Which boy will starve himself in school, restricting himself to a $2 chicken rice meal everyday just to save up his meager pocket money for our dates, who will be there for you whenever you felt down, who knows you so well that when you told him "leave me alone, I'll be fine" he knows that it'll translates to "I need you here with me, but I'm just afraid and embarrassed to tell you", who is the only one who took me in during bad times, who would keep to his promises and fulfill them all, who loves you with his heart, soul and body so much so you can't help but to reciprocate that feeling, who rushed down to town without hvaing any breakfast, combed wisma and finally paragon's din tai fung just to get my favorite thousand layer cakes for me when I was ill, when I told him to go eat his breakfast at Macs since his tummy was growling furiously. Opposites do attract, even our families values are so different. My mum loves to splurge, while yours is thrifty and spend only sparingly. My mum can't really substantiate any conversation for more than 10 mins with me and yet your mum is great at handling human relations.. I would never forget those words she said to me on the first night I escaped to your place. I remembered you were still in camp, busy with army stuff and yet you arranged a place for me to stay out.

Just very relieved to have you to be my pillar of support. I wouldn't have made it through those thick times without you... really.. 4 years ... it's long enough for grown up couples to get engaged and married... you were my first love, i gave you my first kiss, just like how you gave me your firsts too... I'm not afraid to let the world know, cause there's nothing to be ashamed of anyway.. No matter what happens in the future, even if we can't be lovers, I just want you to know that you'll always occupy the special spot in my heart and I'll be happy when you are.

I love you. Words don't yield the power to capsulate my feelings for you, but I'll TRY my very best through actions that I'll be there for you too.. (:

I'll try....

And we'll see how things go alright!

Just no more quarrels, no more telling me what to dos, I'm freaking 18 this year alrdy...

Vernice was the only legal one amongst us, and my urge to faster turn 18 grew stronger just by looking at her blue thingy. Being 18 means everything to me. It's like an entitlement of freedom and it's when we metamorphosed into woman literally. I don't care if there's no presents or celebrations for other bdays but 18th bday definitely can't go without any. Thinking whether to the pink LV wallet, Tiffany & Co's bracelet or just settle for hotel/chalet party. I really don't know. But at least get my Dr. Martens.

Okay this is total random shit but apparently my maid's husband died today or smth she decided to go back to the Philippines. So now I have to iron everyone's clothes, babysit my brother, sweep the floor, cook (dabao to be exact) my own meals and clear up my room. :(

Oh and it's Emma the Ahma's 18th bday tmrw so happy birthday in advance :D heh.

OKAY I DONT KNOW WHY AM I POSTING THESE UP HAHA LOOK AT MY PIMPLES. I'm having a mega outbreak of that on both cheeks now ):

Took those before bathing in the kitchen toilet which I hate coz all my contact lens solution, facial foam, makeup removal is at the other toilet. So inconvenient to bathe there, unless I've got no choice like returning home damn late and can't disturb my parents. Heh I think the Hello Kitty sticker behind is v cute lolz. Next time new house shall spam HK stickers ^^

Omg thinking abt my new house is making me sexcited. I'm so going to have a Queen size bed ahahha so as to put my 3 pillows and 1 bolster; so they won't roll down to the floor in the middle of the night and I have force myself to wake up and get them. I'm not going to let my parents paint it all pink. I'm going to paint it super light orangey pink. HAHAH fine still pink. And mommy says we're going to buy all new furniture when we move house, so I will get a pink computer table and chair from IKEA. AHAHA I'm so going to decorate my own room yayz. If the lifts at my new house ever break down, I'll cry. Coz I'll have to climb 21 levels of stairs to get home. -.- They should have like a parachute thingy to get people down and a external pulley system to get people up ?

1. Love you(s) more :D (You know who you know who lovelove. Yes I'm talking about you.)

2. Study 3 hrs everyday (Shucks I just broke it tonight)

3. Go on a diet, seriously. It's almost considered as an emergency before I get a heart attack the next time I step on the weighing machines

4. Save up some $$ like how I saved up $500++ in a few months last year. Sigh but it was gone in a jiffy too. ):

5. It's more of a wish here, but I want to get straight As for A lvls. That piece of paper is what I have been hankering after all these years.... Totally going to decide my future endeavors. Goes back to point 2.

6. Work really really hard for trngs, school and everything. (Get HC Diploma? woah, must be top 30% of the cohort)

7. Treat you nicer and learn how to express my love & affections for you better :D

8. Eat zhajiang mian every thursday, without fail. (Baby v you must go with me and stop pangsehing me alrdy last yr bad enough :((( ) HAHAHA LOOK AT MY POINT 3. tsk it's just 5 points away and I'm thinking abt food. what's my problem.

9. No more partyings/overnight drinkings till I'm drunk till end of A lvls. (Maybe with the exception of the day I evolved to be a legal) Please slap me if you need to remind me coz of that. If you NEED to. I repeat. I still do have some faith in my erm, diminishing self-discipline. :D

10. Learn dancing/baking/cooking when I'm free.

11. Do not touch the computer till weekends. (Or when there's no sch tmrw like now :D hahah my fingers are just itchy after talking to lovelove)

12. FUCK, This is damn impt, explains why I started this with the f word. GET MY CALLER ID FUCKING SOON. Can't stand it alrdy always get missed calls and idk who. It's so irritating to call everyone and ask but I can't just leave it alone also coz if someone called, it means it's quite urgent so I shld get back to him/her out of courtesy too right?

13. Be a uhm, responsible econs rep this year? Haha. And don't laugh at me plz. V is the PE rep and yet she doesn't go PE plz. Oops.

14. Love you more. Really. I think I should start learning how to make you feel secured abt us coz I think we're really not going to fall out anytime soon. Not now, not soon, not in the near future.

15. This is going to be never ending so I shall stop here. And I shall vow to stick to my resolutions. If I can't even fulfill one of them, I must really suck to the apple's core. And twinnie bitch can just slap me real hard.

P.s. I'm scared... Please, don't let anything happen on Monday..

P.s.s. I'm really happy that I can do the projectile motion questions like finally. After so damn long. I did it myself and it was correct omg :D hahah was stuck there since forever, like before shc hols started -.-

p.s.s.s. I'm tfeeling lethargic and tired. Needa sleep soon.

Nights everyone, love you :D