This is to remind me that I Must to go on diet and shed off some fat, which is quite of an abundance on me, with a capital M. ): The weight issue here is making me very depressed. Who likes the idea of gaining weight just in probably a month? It doesn't help especially with cny and valentines. The difference is noticeable, my thighs, waist, arms, and appetite have all expanded over the holidays due to over indulgence of snacks. Sighzxz. It really doesn't help when your mom's friend commented that you put on weight too, just by looking at my face. She said my face is now rounder, which explains why everyone thinks my head is round.... And I rushed home from sch, bathed, rushed out again to her Condo for the gathering for her. Since she was also my Guzheng teacher last time.

On the contrary, h lost 3kg recently (I think the weight he lost had somehow found its way to me). And he likes to go on and on about how slim he is now, right in front of me and I felt very sad): But oh well, being fat is not equivocal to the end of the world. H used to be fat too, I remembered him gaining 4kgs or smth after a cruise trip. I used to be this weight in sec1, it was only after I joined judo that made me slimmer (and more muscular?!). Being fat now, just means that I'll get slimmer in the future cause this will establish a basis for comparison over time. Hence, I hypothesize that the weight issue is just like a sinusoidal curve which has it's peaks and troughs... Nobody will stay at one particular constant weight eternally.

Freak, I'm so not gonna bring my wallet to school anymore, and will go to the library and mug during breaks. Starting from tomorrow. Heh, not today cause I'm guilty of sinning with liquor chocolate just now :( Couldn't resist, afterall, alcohol + chocolate = best combination.

This is bad, I'm being so grumpy these few days what's wrong with me :( And having no one to turn to makes it worse. H is so busy, busy till you can't imagine. I'm really not used to this new lifestyle... feels so empty and lonely without having someone to talk to / keep me company everyday. Don't worry h, I know it's not your fault that your work is so busy. I won't blame you luh, it's just that I'm venting it out here, rather than on you right.. Or any of my friends who care for me. Haha, the fcuk shirt that I bought for you just totally fits you ^^

On a side note, should I spend $169 on a pair of heels?! I like it alot! plus it's the first 4inch that I can actl walk comfortably without looking like a duck. Almost wanted to buy it instantly but I guess I should not act on impulse. A phone call to bitch convinced me that I should not. But when I reached home and the more I think about it the more I wanna get it :( Argh. I shall wait and seeeeeee if by end of this month it's still lingering in my mind I will get it heh heh sinners. Hope the collection is still available by then! And till then, save up!

-Side fringe: yay / nay :(

Can't decide, but I think bangs is versatile enough for me right now.

Last night was really awesome, thank you again for everything that you've done for me. I know I'm terribly demanding and yet I was genuinely surprised by your gifts ytd. This is my best valentines so far, especially compared to the first vday since we'd been together. We spent it miserably alone cause of our ultimate obstinacy and stubbornness. But now, we've both grown up and matured through the years of thick and thin, I've learnt not to take you for granted anymore. Thanks to you, I experienced this wonderful entity called love. I'm trying my best to keep this up, although it's quite hard for me. It's an unspoken commitment between both of us, and I had to sacrifice my personal freedom and space to compromise with you. You don't like me to go drinking, fine, I quitted heavy drinking. You disapprove of me going to parties, fine I'll abstain from clubs for now. But it's really impossible for me to completely stop doing those, and it'll be unreasonable of you to devoid me of my freedom too. If we ever gonna get separated again, I've got this feeling it's due to this issue. I'm scared to lose everything again, not when everything in my life have began to fall back in their rightful places... It's been so perfect now, I've got my friends, family, you all by my side. All that I lack of now probably will be to perfect my grades.

Remember I told you that most of the times when people hate you, it's not because you did smth morally wrong or what. It's because you grip firmly on your own convictions.

It's not hard to be liked by everyone isn't it? Just be more accommodating and have a plain character to fit into the crowd. But I am not that kind of person, I will do what I believe it's right, even if it will end up hurting myself.

Make up didn't smudge; went hysterical at DFS while shopping with momma; got my Dior Addict perfume + purse; saw a Coach bag that I really fell in love at first sight, haha; bought food from Muji and Marks and Spencer for consumption during physics tutorials in an (maybe futile) attempt to keep myself awake. I feel kinda bad for spending so much of momma's money everytime when we go out together :( it's like never below $300 each time we go town. Argh lesson learnt, I shall just stay home and be a no-lifer/mugger.

What if I can't do this anymore........

What's worst, giving up before even attempting or realising that you just can't do it even after putting your heart to it. I just want you back in my life!

In retrospect right, I realised I had less than 10 posts for the entire year of 2009, while in 2008 I was still blogging quite frequently. That was when I was in sec4. I think I know why, blogging is a way to vent out my pent up frustrations and also to de-stress I guess. This year's a stressful year so I'll be here quite often.. ))): J2 life sucks, honestly. Sigh. Cant wait till A levels are over, counting down to it: 278 days (more or less)

It's been rather a luxury for me to use the com during weekdays, I can hardly find time to use it untill weekends. But today's different, I'm feeling hopelessly obese and mentally disabled and in need of a way to rant it out ): Can't do integration at all, need to lose 5kg in 2 months and yet I'm eating like a glutton... Sighhh.... Almost late for school today, had to run like as if I'm going for reincarnation up the hwachong hill... And the best part is, you just won't reply my smses/calls throughout the day (okay luh fine you picked up my call after school and I was quite pleasantly surprised hehehee)...

Ytd was so much better, at least I had a good rest with you. Haha the sofabed never fails to charm me and give me a good sleep without nightmares. Went to town to get Moush his gummie underwear hahaha from the shop omg. I still can't believe I stepped into that shop. Vernice you better thank me well for that:D Ate Sushi tei and Colin the caterpillars :D Celebrated bee's bday, it was a day full of love and warmth :D

And I still dont know what to do for you for Vday ):

I wanted to surprise you with a candlelight dinner with real candlelight and self prepared dinner but you know it better than anyone else that I cant cook for nuts. Argh nvm I have one week plus to prepare for it/take up cooking classes.

I wanna see you everyday ): that's how badly I miss you, h. Wednesdays are back to be my favorite day of the week again :D Absence does make the heart fonder.